got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
