I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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