So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
