Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
People in love make me want to vomit
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize