2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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