I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
