There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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