Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
