My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
