She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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