id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
