16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
