He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
soo... how was my night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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