it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
where are my eyebrows?
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