She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
