And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
