my shit smells like andre
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
