Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
