I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
