you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
