I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
