Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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