i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
