Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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