how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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