I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
