omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can I color on your dick again?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
