My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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