What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
