Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize