Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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