I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
