Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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