My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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