Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
