Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
