I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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