wrigley field is MILF paradise
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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