Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
