My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Enjoy the penises
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
