The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
