Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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