is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize