Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
