So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
