i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
