I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
