I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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