That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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