google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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