Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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