I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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