besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize