so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Alive.
So much puke
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize