I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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