She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm getting married
To pizza
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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