I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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