That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
