Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
