Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
