this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
