Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
