So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
