Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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