Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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